Is it because you don't want to become a target, which you likely were ten years ago? This is Batticaloa after all.
So it's easier to not be at a certain place at a given time?
Is it PTSD when you say we'll get together over New Years. New Years being ten days long, a wide window for escape, you never make it to where we agreed to meet.
What about when you tell me we should meet for sure, soon, because we have a lot to discuss. Sure I shrug. I'm here. We can talk any time. I'd love to.
Urgency dissolves. I see you a month or two later.
"Are you counting the days till you leave?" "No I'm sad to leave." "In that case you must come to my home for tea and meet my wife and daughter."
What should I think when you invite me to your place and say "I'll pick you up right here at 6:30, this time tomorrow."
It's dark but I can see your eyes or rather, I can read your posture. Through this I watch your resolve crumble when you add "I'll call Darshan to tell him."
We both know it's Darshan's birthday tomorrow. You already explained that you couldn't come to celebrate.
So you dress nicely and you have a job and I've met your colleagues and your ideas are good and your English is impeccable.
Must add: you have a sense of humor. So behind your proximal behaviors I think it's not insanity lurking.
Is there something shattered that you hide?
You're from Batticaloa. Could it be PTSD?